Find a Friend - Keep A Friend - Love a Friend

I have been taught that relationships are not for social networks; religion is too controversial thus I’m left with few things to blog about. (Maybe i should blog about the lessons I've learned from my day time shows; particularly Desperate Housewives.)

Of late; I’ve been reading a lot about Zimbabwean women in the Diaspora who were killed by their men over small issues. Headlines like : Zimbo killed girlfriend over dirty dishes. It’s really saddening to think you are out here for school or for greener pastures and next thing you know_ DEAD! UK murder hunt over body in bag

When does it become okay to step in as a friend?

This is a question I asked myself when I imagined the lives of these deceased women. They probably had friends; maybe friends like me_ who don’t want to overstep their boundaries. I once tried to help; and ended up looking like a fool. To add insult to my injury; the story had been remixed. I seemed t o be the villain in the story. Apparently; I had told my dear “friend” to DUMP his sorry ass. In my defense; it was her who came to me crying her eyeballs out; talking about how he is scum and she never wants to see him again. While trying to be a good friend, I might have muttered a word or two about him not deserving her BUT I did not mention her breaking up with him. Isn’t that what friends are for_ to cheer you up? I was proven wrong.

After they patched things up; she decided to rat me out. The guy was fuming and “banned” me from ever talking to his girlfriend again. I have never felt so small in my life; I was just trying to help. It has been two years since that happened but it taught me to stay clear of my friend’s relationships. In the event of being corned into discussing ‘them” I try and steer the conversation and let them be as I also silently judge on my own. It’s not that I do not care asi zverudo izvi ndezvevaviri. Loosely translated; two is a couple and three is a crowd

But; when does it become okay for me to step in?

I want to respect my friend’s privacy but I also want to help when it’s necessary. How do I know it’s time to step in? When a friend is visibly being abused or ill- treated; I die a little bit inside. I want to help but how? Won’t this backfire at me and I end up compromising our friendship?

The victims in all the recent headlines probably had friends. Friend’s like me_ who don’t want to over step their boundaries. Should I just stay clear and watch until the “friend” is murdered because I am trying to save our “friendship”? 

I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman. And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends. One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be. One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,' another, 'Let's fight together,' another, 'Let's walk away together.' One friend will meet your spiritual need, another shoe fetish, another love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, and another will be your clarifier. But whatever their assignment in your life, On whatever the occasion, On whatever the day, Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself. Those are your best friends. It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many, it's wrapped up in several. One from 7th grade, One from high school, several from the college years, your mother, on some days your neighbor, your sisters, and on some days, your mothers friends. These are your best friends

I want all girl friends to know; this is what goes through the minds of our friends when we visibly need help : I want to be a friend. Someone you can lean on. Staying in a relationship JUST BECAUSE you have history isn't a good enough excuse. Sometimes you are in love with nothing more than a memory of what use to be. It’s sad. Many people don't notice how much you love and care for them until you stop. I don't want to be a statistic and no one wants to either.